growing together again
by pookieortega
Summary: After the rebellion,katniss is alone,lost in her thoughts. Prim is gone. Peeta hates her. Haymitch is too drunk to function. She is alone. Until the one day when the boy with the bread comes back to her. This is the story how katniss and peeta grow together again.
1. where i stand

Hey guys! I wrote stories that skipped this part and went to when they were already together but I want to go back over this part of growing together. Hope you like this. And if you want to get straight to the part where they are together,read watching over,it's officially finished and I will have a sequel to it too!

Katniss pov

Prim is gone.

Peeta is mentally gone.

My mom left the district.

And now I'm stuck here. Alone with no one but buttercup and haymitch.

I wish I would have realized how I feel about him earlier. Then he would be here,and best of all prim would be here. My beautiful,perfect prim,she deserves to be alive,not me. All I've done is take lives,she saved them,she was good for the world,she should be alive!

I lay there in my bed crying into a pillow when I hear a small meow. When I turn I see buttercup, he runs to me and starts rub up against my hand wanting me to pet him. Though I've never been fond of this cat,we have a...a...an understanding of each other. He doesn't hiss at me anymore and I don't threaten to cook him.

"What is it you stupid cat"I sniffle. He meows again and I pet him so that he'll stop bothering me. Then I hear a knock on the door. At first I ignore it,but soon buttercup keeps annoying me so I decide to get up and see who it is.

My first thought is greasy sae. She always checks on me and attempts to get me to eat. But she just walks in now. It could be haymitch,but I doubt it. He's way too drunk out of his mind to function anymore. My next thought is...No it's not him. He hates me too much.

Peeta returned to district 12 a month ago. But I haven't seen him yet,I've only heard about it once when haymitch was actually kinda aware of everything. But I know that he still hates me. If he didn't,he would have said something by now.

When I open the door,there's no one there. So I decide to walk out onto the porch,and as I do I catch a glance of his beautiful blonde hair as he walks across his lawn into his house...

All I can think of is how wrong I am. There's still a part of him that wants to see me.

A/N I know this is a short beginning chapter,but they will get longer,much longer. Please review I want to hear what you think!


	2. hope,spark,oblivion,and normality

Wow you guys are amazing! I got so many reviews and I love it!

Katniss pov

The next morning I actually get up. When I walk downstairs I see greasy sae making breakfast. She turns and smiles"good morning girly. I'm surprised to see you up!"she says.

"Yeah,me too"I say as o sit at the table. She sets a plate down in front of me and I actually eat it. When she sits down across from me,she brings up some conversation. "You know,I take care of the boy now too. He doesn't have anyone besides haymitch and...You. He asks about you every morning now. I really believe he's getting better"

"He does?"I ask bewildered.

"He does. I'm going to go take care of him after,I'll keep you updated on his progress."

"Thanks sae"I say.

"No problem girly"she says. Soon she leaves and I walk her out the door. I watch from the porch as he opens up the door and hands her a loaf of bread. She smiles and walks away. I thought she took care of him?

He must not want her to take care of him anymore. He really is getting better.

A week later I get a call from greasy saes granddaughter saying that she's sick. I thank her for informing me and decide to go hunting so that I can bring her a few squirrels.

Going out into the forest reminds me of Gale. I miss having a best friend. But he decided to go to district two,so I haven't seen him since...since..No katniss,he didn't kill her,it was an accident. I've been trying to convince myself that he didn't kill her. But it's still hard not to blame him.

Though I haven't been hunting in forever , I still have a great shot and hit 5 squirrels,6 birds,and a turkey. When I get to saes house,her granddaughter lets me in. "Hi greasy sae. I brought you a few squirrels and some birds. I hope you get better"

"Why thank you girly,but you didn't have to do that"she says.

"And you don't have to take care of me,sae you don't know how much I appreciate you. Please,it was no trouble"I say and she smiles.

Then there's another knock on the door. Her granddaughter gets it as I put the meat away. Right as I close the refrigerator,someone walks in. I turn to see peeta with bread in his hands. We both freeze.

When I look into his eyes,they are the beautiful oceans of blue,unlike the last few times I've seen him with dark black holes. He doesn't smile,but he doesn't look angry. It's almost as if he barley sees me.

But then he snaps out of whatever he was thinking and says"hello katniss"

I stand there for a moment,shocked that I haven't thrown him into a flashback."hello peeta"I say. For a split second,I see what looks like a smile. But it disappears all too fast.

"It's been a while,"he says slowly"how have you been?"

"Okay"I lie.

"Oh come on katniss,after everything nobody is ever okay"he almost spits. I tense up. It's like being in a room with a snake,you never know when it's going to strike.

"Fine,I haven't been okay. P-prim is gone,my mom is gone,Gale is gone,...and...You were gone."I say the I feel the held in tears so I walk out and say a quick goodbye to sae,then take off running. I don't even realize where I'm running,until I find myself at the lake. The summer Sun shines off of the clear water. I sit looking at my reflection,thinking yet again how prim should be alive and not me. But I also can't deny the fact that peeta was there,and actually wanted to know how I feel. I will never be able to ignore the fact that nobody can understand what I went through. Except peeta,who not only went through it but with me,and five times worse.

There is still a tiny spark of hope that things can be good again,well actually for once. It was always there,just covered by dictatorship and eventually oblivion,but it's there. And things can be normal,I hope.


	3. flowers and memories

Katniss pov

The next week comes by and I still haven't seen peeta since our encounter. But then there is a knock on the door. I rush to get it and when I open it up I see a tin box with a note. I look up and see him walking across his yard. I don't even think about it when I yell out for him to wait. He stops and then slowly turns around. I look down at the note while he walks over. It reads,

_Dear katniss,_

_I'm sorry about upsetting you yesterday,I didn't realize how hard it still is for you to talk about...well,you know. I've been baking a lot so I made you some cookies. I'm sorry,for everything._

_-Peeta_

When I look up,he is standing on the steps to my porch. "I just wanted to say thank you for the cookies"

"Anytime..."He says slowly,his face looks as if he is sorting out something. Like an animal deciding wether to attack or to trust what stand in front of it. Then he says"I'll see you around"and stiffly walks away. I so badly want to yell out to him again,and ask him to come inside,but I can't. He still hates me,and I can tell,at least he still hates me a little bit.

I sigh and go back into my house and lay down with the note in my hands. I think back to the first time I saw him. It was the day before I saw him at saes...

_I wake up to the noise of a shovel._

_"Your back" I say._

_"Dr. Aurelius wouldn't let me leave the capitol"peeta says"by the way,he said he can't keep pretending he's treating you forever. You have to pick up the phone."_

_He looks well. Thin and covered with burn scars,like me,but his eyes have lost the clouded torture look. _

_"What are you doing?"_

_"I went to the woods this morning and dug up these. For her"he says. "I thought we could plant them along the side of the house"_

_I look at the bushes,the clods of dirt hanging from their roots,and I catch my breath as the word rose registers. I'm about to yell vicious things at peeta,when the fool name comes to me. Not plain rose,but evening primrose. I give peeta a nod of assent and hurry back into the house..._

A week passes without seeing him,but then there's a knock on my door again. When I answer it,it's not just a tin of cookies,but peeta stands there with a loaf of bread.

"Hi"I say softly.

"Is it okay if I come in?"He asks.

"Of course"I say and move so he can come in. He sets the loaf down in the kitchen then says"so,I wanted to talk to you"

I sit down waiting patiently for what he has to say. He sits across from me at the table and says"so I have been talking to Dr. Aurelius,and we were able to sort out my thoughts more. He said that I should talk to you because you have the answers to my confusion...but that's not all I came to do...the silence now is deafening,I have no family or friends and,I miss you. I wanna be friends again katniss"

"Peeta...I miss you too. I miss the way things use to be between us."I say,it's weird admitting my feelings. He smiles. With that I realize that I don't have to be alone anymore.

"Is it okay if you help me,I have some questions"

"Sure"

"You saved me in the arena,real or not real?"

"Real"

"You risked your life to get the medicine that would save me,real or not real?"

"Real"

"You cut off my leg"

"Not real peeta,the mutt bit your leg and you bled. I wanted to wrap a tirnequet but I needed my arrow to kill Cato"

"Okay,that one seemed kinda shiny. You never loved me real or not real"

"Not at first but,well it complicated..."

"Real or not real!"he says more forcefully

"Not real,I was just too late"I say

His face changes but I can't make out what he's thinking. Soon he leaves back home. That night my nightmares are about the first games.I know I will have to be faced with these memories to help peeta. And I will help peeta.


	4. the book

Katniss pov( this is a few days later)

I shoot up wide awake from a nightmare in tears,but there's no one to calm me. So I wrap my arms around my legs and rock back and forth. Around six I get up and go to my window. I open it up and step onto my roof. Then I go and sit near the edge,looking at the horizon. It's an orange. I think of peeta because it's his favourite colour.

Then I see him,he walks out of his house and over to mine. He doesn't notice me until I yell out"peeta!" He looks up and laughs. He walks to where he is in front of me on my grass.

"What are you doing up there?"He asks

"I couldn't sleep"I say with a shrug. He nods,"yeah,me too" I pat the spot next to me and he starts to walk out of my view. After a few minutes I hear the door to my room open. I look back to see peeta step through the window. He sits next to me.

"Hey"I say

"Hey. So is this what you always do when you can't sleep?"

"Mmm...sometimes,you see I don't have anything to keep the nightmares away,so when I wake up I need something to take my mind off of it. So after I finally calm down from it,I walk onto the roof. The view is calming,especially since I can see the forest from here. All the green trees and birds...It's actually nice"I say

"Yeah,I understand what you mean. After I wake up from my nightmares I get up and walk around my house and usually end up in my art room,so I paint. Or bake,whatever helps to me"he says.

He gets a thought and says"I kept the nightmares away,real or not real?"

"Real,on the victory tour you would hear me scream,then run and wake me and I would ask you to stay"

"You didn't love me during that time,real or not real?"

"Umm,it's kinda both,I wasn't sure of how I felt."

He nods instead of pressing forward for an answer. Then he asks,"do you know how you feel now?"

"I..uh..kinda"

He nods. For the past few days we have been hanging out more,I help him with his questions and he keeps me company. I decide that I'm actually hungry so I stand up and put out a hand. He takes my hand and I help him up. When we get into the kitchen,I start to make something but he stops me and says he'll make breakfast.

When we sit down and eat,peeta notices something on the table. He picks it up and opens it."It's the book"he says looking at the pictures he drew when I hurt my ankle."Yeah,you remember that?"

"Yeah,this memory isn't shiny. It really happened"

"Yeah,I hurt my ankle because the-" I start

"The fence turned back on and you had to get back over the fence. I helped you get everywhere by carrying you,but we spent most of our time on this book"he finishes.

"Yeah"I say with a smile.

"Hey I have an idea. We should do what we did with the plants but for the people we've lost,so we don't forget everything with time."

I think of prim and finnick. That brings tears to my eyes and I say"that's a great idea peeta"

He looks up to see my tears and he gives me a sad smile. Then he wipes a tear from my face. Even after everything he's been through,he is still very caring. He is still my boy with the bread.

After we eat he runs to his house to get his art stuff. When he comes back,I am sitting on the couch with a few pictures."what's that?"He asks.

"I have some pictures,we could use pictures for the ones we have pictures of and paint for the ones we don't have pictures of"I explain.

"That's a perfect idea katniss"he says sitting down. He's sitting really close to me,and I'm not use to it. I've been alone for so long,and peeta has been scared to see me for so long that having him so close is so foreign to me.

"Can I look at the pictures?"He asks

"Sure"I say as I hand them to him. He looks at the first one with confusion."who's this?"He asks.

"That's my dad,he died when I was eleven in a mine explosion."

"That's when I threw you the bread,real or not real?"

"Real,I almost died,but that saved us peeta. That's what we do,we save each other,we protect each other"

"Yeah"

We put the picture of my dad in the book,and I write everything I remember about him. He hands me the next picture to pit in. It's the picture of finnick and Annie's son. Then I hand it to him so that he can draw finnick.

"Finnick should have lived,he deserves to live"I say"I wish I would have gone back down and dragged him with us before the mutt bit his head."I say

"It's not your fault katniss"peeta says rubbing his hand down my arm. I think of all the amazing things finnick was,and write them down. I start to cry silently as I write. We get through many people,but I never get to prim. It's still too hard. We get through his family and we also get to cinna. By the time we finish its late.

"I should get home...I'll come back tomorrow morning,okay?"He asks,I nod and say"okay"

Then he pulls me in for a hug. I can feel my heart beating feverishly as I struggle to keep a breath. He ever so lightly presses his lips to my hair,bit I feel it. Then all too soon,he's out the door.

That reminds me that everything can be normal again and we can have a relationship.


	5. lock down

I love all the attention that this is getting! Please tell me how I'm doing on a rate of 1-10 and if there's anything I should add that might be really interesting to you. I am very open to ideas! But I do have plans for this story.

Katniss pov

One night as Peeta and I are working on the book,we hear a siren. Since the rebellion,the fence has been knocked down. But that fence wasn't just keeping us in but animals out too. This siren means that something wandered into the district. I'm not just talking about a turkey or a deer either,we have plenty of hunters now that can easily use those for game,but a wild dog,wolf,bear,or a vicious mutt let out into the woods from the capitol.

The siren also means that the district is under lock down,meaning that no one is aloud to be out,especially since its night making it easier to be prey,so only the peacekeepers are out to shoot it. Normally since its night that's not too much of a problem because most people are asleep. But peeta is at my house.

It's around 10,when we hear it. We sit in silence for a bit,we can hear a faint howl. This is definitely a mutt,and we've had all too much experience with mutts. Peeta grabs my hand and squeezes it hard,when I look into his eyes,they are not azure but not dark. He's in the midst of fighting a flashback.

"Not real peeta,not real"I say"focus on my voice,okay? It's okay,it's not real"this is the second time this has happened. Luckily we haven't had a bad one yet. He squeezes his eyes shut and the pops them open wide again. He's back.

"Katniss,it's-it's a-"

"I know peeta,it's okay now. It can't hurt us if we're inside."I say. He nods "I'm going to have to stay here tonight,it's going to be long until they release us."He states.

I stand up pulling him since our hands are clasped." I'll just sleep on the couch"he says. I huff"no peeta! Well...I do have extra bedrooms...upstairs...across from my room"

He follows me upstairs and I bring him to the room closest to mine. Then I realize what room I brought him into. It's prims room,still left the way she had it. It has collected dust by now,but I can't even pack up everything and put it in a safe place,so it stays the same. Like its frozen in time. Or a memorial of who she was.

Her medical book is open on her desk. Her hair brush filled with blond strands,even her clothes are strewn on the floor. The window open slightly. Her pillow has an indent where she slept,the bed ruffled. This is how she left her room. This was how she left it when she left the world. These are the last things she actually felt joy with. In district 13 she wasn't normal,this was the last place she was herself in. And it's all to overwhelming.

I break down crying and peeta wraps his arms around me before I drop to the ground,my body limp and wracking in tears. He picks me up and brings me to my room where he lays me on the bed. He gets up to leave but I grab his arm and say"stay? Please"

"Of course"

He lays with me until I calm,whispering sweet nothingness into my ears. It's oddly comforting. After I've calmed down he says"I'm sorry katniss,I know this isn't the best time,but I noticed that I smell really bad. Can I take a shower?"

"Of course you can. There should be towels in the bathroom."I say and he thanks me. I hear the focit turn on and water running. I think back to when I would ask him to stay during the victory tour. How things have changed since then...

My many thoughts are interrupted by peeta yelling to me. I didn't realize I was lost in my thoughts for so long. The bathroom door is closed,but I hear him yell out"katniss,come here!"

I run to the door but my mind catches up to me and I come to an abrupt stop. I crack the door open and say"peeta?"

"Katniss,I need some help...my prosthetic is on a shelf and I slipped and can't get up. There also weren't any towels. So I need you to get a towel and help me get my prosthetic."

I go to the cabinet with the extra towels and grab him one. When I enter the bathroom my eyes are glued shut."Okay,tell me where to go"I say. He laughs and says"I don't mind if you see me"

"I do."I mumble.

"You are to pure!"he laughs. I think back to our first games when I had to clean him and he called me that. "I am not pure!"I say a little irritated. He laughs and says"then open your eyes!"he challenges. I have to admit,that would be easier and then I could get out quicker. But what if I see him?

I decide to take a risk and open my eyes. Little did I realize I was facing the shower. He lays there on the floor of the shower,and since the glass is covered in water drops most of him is blurred a bit. But some features are so prominent. His eyes,his chest,his scars,and his cocky grin.

I quickly find his prosthetic and hand it to him,averting my eyes from his lower half and keeping them on his eyes. He puts it on and starts to stand,I catch a quick glance but move my eyes before I truly see anything. He laughs at Mr blush as I hold out the towel and look away from him.

"I'm covered now,thanks."he says so I turn back to him and hand him his clothes and leave. He walks back into my room,wearing only his boxers,just like during the tour. His beautiful hair dripping drops onto his perfect chest.

I get up saying I need a shower. I walk straight into the bathroom and strip,I take my shower and as soon as I get out I realize that there aren't any towels,I was so caught up in my thoughts that I completely forgot.

I cross my arms across my chest and put on my panties, open the door and peak half of me out."Peeta!"I say grabbing his attention. He turns and says"I think you're missing some clothes there"

"Will you get a towel from the hall?"I ask

"Hmm,I don't know? I mean I did tell you there were no towels in there,but you didn't listen so I don't think I should."He jokes.

"Peeta!"I huff he laughs and says"I did say so"

"And you say I'm impossible!"I say agitated. I make sure my peaks are covered and run out from the bathroom. He laughs and says"I was about to get up and get you a towel you know? I was just joking"

"Too late now"I say and wrap the towel around me then walk back into the room. I go to the dresser and get my pyjamas. They are a simple shirt with boyshorts underwear. I go back to the bathroom and completely change. When I come out he is laying there with his hands clasped on his stomach.

I get in bed next to him and say"you are impossible"he whispers in my ear"I'm sorry,I was just joking"the brushes his lips against them for a split second,but then they are gone.

He opens his arms for me and I get as close to him as I can."Good night"I say into his chest."Good night katniss"he says into my hair. With that I wait for my nightmares to come but they never do. When I wake up he is still asleep.

I look at the clock,it's 11. We slept in! I think of how I didn't have any nightmares last night. I stare at his blond curls and think of how he needs a haircut. Soon he stirs as I touch his hair. His eyes are laced with sleep and he yawns."Good morning katniss,any nightmares?"

"No,you?"I ask

"No" he smiles,then looks at the clock and says"wow,no wonder we slept in so late,it's already 11!"

"I know,huh?"

"What do you want for breakfast?"He asks when we are downstairs."cheese buns!"I say like a little kid. He laughs and says"I figured"

"Do you think they let up the lock down yet?"

"I don't know,I guess we'll just have to see if they killed the...uh...animal"

"Yeah"he says"animal"

"Let me go check"I say and run upstairs. What I see is horrific when I look out my window from my room. There is no one out,but what I see is several huge mutts. The same type from our first game. I am on the roof when I see that most of them are in the main square. But then I one right below,walking the streets of the victors village. I gasp and it turns to see me.

It goes to jump up at me,and I am too late,it's claw barely gets hold of my ankle. I run much as I can to the window as the mutt tries to jump up. I get my bow and arrows and run to where I can see it. I pierce it mid jump right in the eye and it drops to the ground dead.

As soon as I get in the house I collapse because of pain. I can hear his heavy tread up the stairs as he yells"katniss?! Katniss?! I heard noise are you okay?!"

"Oh my God! What happened to your leg?!"he says dragging me from the window." There was a mutt! It was bellow me and tried to get me. I was late on running and it caught my leg. I shot it,it's dead now...there's more"

"Let me help you,what do I do?"He asks.

"Go to the closet downstairs. There's a first aid kit. Get it for me"I say. He runs as fast as his leg will allow and soon he is back. I start to do what I remember seeing my mom do when people would come with mining accidents.

"Okay,now I just need you to carry me downstairs. To the kitchen table"I say he nods. "I had to carry you when you hurt your ankle before the second game,real or not real?"He asks

"Real"

"Funny how history repeats itself in the tiniest ways,huh?"

"Yeah"I say in thought.

A/N oh no what's with panem? There was lot of humour and drama in this. Please review what you think of this chapter.


	6. the kiss

Katniss pov

Peeta dragged me to the doctor's and it turns out it did more than scratch my ankle. My whole ankle is broken but my adrenaline made it so that I didn't feel it that much. Peeta has decided to stay at my house to help me and we have finished the book,besides prim.

"Good morning"he says when I open my eyes. I smile at him and he says"here do you need me to..."

"Yeah..."I say with a shy smile. He picks me up and brings me to the bathroom. When I'm done I crawl to the sink to wash my hands. Then I crawl my way up to the sink then call peeta. He slowly walks in and sees me on the sink and laughs uncontrollably"you are.."He shakes his head still laughing. He scoops me into his arms and I snuggle up to him.

Normally I hate needing help,but with peeta I kinda like it. He flashes me a brilliant smile and I smile back. He brings me to the kitchen and sets me on the counter."So what do you want for breakfast?"

I give him a devious smile and he says"cheese buns?"I laugh and say yes."of course"he says rolling his eyes. He turns around against the counter and puts his arms behind him implying that I get on for a piggy back ride.

I crawl onto his back and he starts to run to the table. But right as he is about to hit it,he turns and runs to the couch. He then throws us both onto the couch. We are a tangle of limbs and laughter.

"I didn't land on your ankle did I?"He asks.

"No,no"I say and put my forehead to his. I place my finger to his lips and trace them. Then he leans forward and presses his lips to mine. His lips are soft and warm,unlike my own who are cracked. His move fast and gracefully. Then his leave my lips and go to my neck. I lean my head back and let his lips ghost over my ear.

Then he moves back to my face and kisses every inch of it. I lean forward and lock his lips with mine again. He wraps his arms around me and I move so that I'm more on him so he doesn't fall off the couch.

I'm definitely not the first to pull away,but I am a bit thankful because I was losing air. His eyes bore into mine,and I'm tempted to kiss him again but I don't. Instead we stare at each other's beautiful features.

"Katniss..."He says breathily

I run my fingers through his hair and say"peeta..."

He closes his eyes and then takes a deep breath. When he opens them he asks"this isn't for the cameras, real or not real"

"Real,this is all real"I say,he smiles and says"good"then leans in and kisses me again. I lightly moan as his tongue slips into my mouth. Sadly my stomach growls right as it gets more heated and he pulls away saying"guess I should make breakfast"

"Okay"I say out of breath. He gives me a huge smile and then he kisses my forehead. He walks into the kitchen and I let out a huge breath. Soon peeta comes out with freshly baked cheese buns.

My face lights up and so does his. He sits right next to me and wraps his arm around my shoulder. "Your cheese buns"he says happily. "Thank you"I say. When we are finished eating he brings me up to charge and then changes himself. He sets me down on the couch and then gives me a sad smile. "I have to go to the hob and trade for some spices and herbs,do you have any furs I could trade?"

"Ummm...I don't know? Let me check will you bring me to the cabinet?"I ask. He turns so that he gives me a piggy back ride. When he gets me to the cabinet,I pull out a few furs.

"Do you want to come with me?"He asks.

"But peeta,I can't walk and...your leg. Won't it hurt it carrying me there and back? I don't want to hurt you"I say sheepishly.

"Katniss,I carry pounds and pounds of flour. Or at least I do sometimes,now. You weigh nothing,don't worry"he says and scoots me up on his back so that I don't slip off."Okay"

He hands me a bag with bread and the furs are in my other hand. I notice his brilliant smile and I ask"what are you so happy about?"

"Well,it's such a beautiful day. I have a beautiful person on my back-"

"I'm not beautiful-"

"Who says I was talking about you?"He says and I bust up laughing. I lay my head down on his shoulder and close my eyes. I feel him chuckle and he says"but you really are beautiful,no matter what anyone thinks."

I decide not to comment but I do put my face in the crook of his neck and breath in his beautiful but masculine scent. After a few minutes he nudges my head with his and says"we're here"

"Where to first?"He asks

"How about greasy sae? We could trade some fur to her."

"Of course"peeta says and walks to her booth.

"Oh hello boy,"she says"oh and hello girly. Happy to see the two of you"

"Hello sae,are you feeling any better?"peeta asks her."Oh most definitely. Thank you peeta"she says.

I smile at how amazing he is,always so nice and thoughtful. We trade and get some spices from her. Then we go to Robbie who has herbs and some other supplies that we need.

I notice people staring at us,but I couldn't care less. Soon we are home and he lays me down on the couch."I need to go back to my house for more clothes. But I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Okay,I'll see you soon" I say.

He steps out and then I see haymitch walk in with a drink in hand."Hello sweetheart,"he says and sits across from me. "What did you do to the boy? Hump him till he went cross eyed? I've never seen him so happy!"

"NO! For your information,we haven't had sex haymitch."I say blushing"I only kissed him. "

"Ohhh,that makes more sense. You're leading him on."

"No I'm not haymitch"I say

"So you love him"he states. I'm at a loss for words because I don't know if I love him. I know I like him a lot,I know I care for him. Is that love?

I didn't even realize that I said all that out loud until haymitch says"I can't call it,that's up to you"then he gets up and leaves. As he's walking out I yell"Damn you haymitch and your wisdom!"

"Anytime sweetheart!"

Peeta walks in with a smile and a bag on clothes. He sets the clothes down and comes to lay with me. Then a thought occurs to me.

"Do you want to move in?"


	7. moving in

Katniss pov

"Do you want to move in?"

At first he looks shocked then he smiles"I would love to"

Then he leans forward to kiss me. Then he pulls away and says"I should get my stuff" he tries to get up but I grab his hand and say"forgetting something?"He laughs and says"but your hurt? I don't think you should be carrying anything"

"I may not be able to walk well,but I can still pack?"I say as he turns so that his back is facing me. I climb on his back. He carries me to his house and then says"I guess we'll start with my room."

When we get to his room he lightly sets me on his bed. He goes to get boxes and then hands some to me."So what do you want me to pack up?"

"Well,I guess I could put a chair by the dresser and you could pack up some clothes while I get other things"he says and sets down the chair. I attempt to crawl over but he picks me up and twirls me around saying"oh no you don't!"

"Ugh,peeta I can crawl"

"Not gonna happen"he says in a sing song voice. I laugh and he sets me down on the chair. Then he goes into the bathroom to pack what he has in there. After a few minutes of packing,I get to his underwear. As I'm packing it up,I find a bright pink man thong.

I bust up laughing and nearly fall out of my chair. He runs in asking"what's so funny?"and I just laugh harder and hold them up. He turns really red and says"oh,those...Yeah.."

"Care to explain?"I ask

"Well,after our 'wedding' announcement, as a joke my brothers got me this. I wanted to throw them away but,as weird and humiliating as it is,it's the only thing I have of them. But oh God I can't believe you saw those."

"I have to admit,this isn't the weirdest thing saw"I say and he laughs and comes to stand by me. He takes them out of my hands and says"they always tried to get me to wear them,but I wouldn't. "

"Oh,now we can't have that"I say with a devious grin and a playful tone. He turns even more red and says"NO katniss! No way"

I laugh and say"not even once? Just for a second?"

"Ugh,katniss!"Peeta moans. "Please peeta,just once"I have to admit,I'm curious. "Katniss!"Peeta says"I don't-I katniss"

"It's just you and me,I'll be the only one to see,just once. Please?"I say and he lets out a huge breath."fine"he says and I get a smile of success. He takes it and goes into the bathroom.

When he comes out,he is only in the Speedo. I bust up laughing and he says"that's it! I'm putting pants on!"

"No no!"I say"I'm sorry I won't laugh,just come back out"

"Ugh,fine"he says and walks out. He puts his arms up and spins around slowly. I cover my mouth and hold in everything. He walks over to me and stands right in front of me."are you happy?"

"Yes,very happy"I say with a smile. He leans down and kisses me then says"I'm putting on normal underwear now I can't take this"he runs back to the bathroom and soon comes out in his normal clothes,but no shirt.

"So when do I get to see you in something like that?"He says jokingly."Ha! Never!"I say."oh,now we can't have that"

"It's not like I own anything like that anyways"I challenge.

"Oh don't worry,I'll find something embarrassing for you to wear"he says with a wink. I groan and throw my head back. He laughs and then goes to pack the rest of his room. When I'm done packing his clothes he scoops me up and says"now for my art room."

When he sets me down I see many beautiful paintings and supplies everywhere. He hands me a box and says"you could pack whatever's on the couch"

Soon we have his art room packed,so that leaves the kitchen. He says"this will probably take the longest"

After many hours we finally have his kitchen packed. He takes as much boxes as he can while I sit at his house. I wish I could help but he won't let me with my ankle. Soon he is done and comes to get me.

"Ready?"He asks

"Ready"

He picks me up and throws me over his shoulder. "Peeta!"I yell because it's so unexpected. Then he lays me down on the couch saying"I'm so happy that we're living together"

"Yeah me too"


	8. special place

Katniss pov

Peeta and I have finally finished unpacking...two months later. The good thing is my ankle is finally healed which means I can hunt again,I can smell the fresh scent of pine needles and musk,and best of all,I can see my father's lake.

Peeta has been working so hard to get everything unpacked and put away these last few months and I was only able to help him this week because that's when I was allowed to. Even now he doesn't want me to do much. He deserves to relax for a day,actually he deserves to relax for the rest of his life,bit he would never do that. That's when I make my mind up. He's coming to the lake.

I get up from the bed as carefully as I can,so that I don't wake peeta. I kiss his forehead lightly and head downstairs. I find some bread peeta baked yesterday, crackers,cheese,and some meat that I caught and cooked yesterday and pack it in a basket. Then I grab a blanket and then a bottle of wine that was in the cabinet. When I go back upstairs,I braid my hair and put on an orange blouse and some pants with my hunting boots and jacket. I figured that since I'm doing something nice for him,I might as well look nice.

I walk over to his side of the bed and get on my knees so that my face is by his. I start to brush kisses on his face until his eyes flutter open. He smiles brightly with sleep dripped all over his features."You're in a good mood"he jokes.

I just return a smile and excitedly tell him"I'm taking you somewhere special. It's so private,and special that your the first person I've ever shown"he laughs nervously and blushes.

"Katniss,I know our relationship is moving fast and that we're sleeping in the same bed and all,but I don't want you to fell pressured to show me more of yourself than I can already see. I don't want you to regret anything."

"Whoa whoa whoa peeta. No that's not what I was talking about. I'm taking you to the lake. It's a special place only me and my dad have gone to. I want you to see it."

"OH! Oh God I'm sorry katniss,I just,I thought that,and you know,I'm sorry"he stutters. I kiss his soft lips and say"you don't have to apologize peeta"

He nervously laughs it off as I pull him out of bed and wrap my arms around him,needing to feel the closeness of his touch. I bit my bottom lip as I gaze into his eyes. He presses a soft kiss on my lips and says"I love you katniss"

I am stuck. I know I can't live without peeta and that I need his love. But is that love? I care about him so much,and I want to protect him. I would kill anyone who threatens his life,is that love? I can't look him in the eyes,I want so badly to say those words,but what if I'm wrong? What if this isn't love? I can't hurt him again. Plus everyone I love is dead or distant because of pain. I can't lose him. Not again.

I see a mixture of disappointment and understanding in his eyes when I look up,and I feel guilty for causing him that pain even when I'm not trying. He sighs and explains"it's okay katniss,you don't have to say it back. I know you don't mean the silence in a bad way. I can see it in your eyes."I go to apologize to peeta but he shakes his head saying"I know how you truly feel,katniss"then kisses my forehead.

I feel so confused. On one hand,there's a giant weight on my chest for not saying it back,but on the other hand,I feel like the pressure is gone because he sees right through me. How should I react?

When I turn back to him he is getting dressed. So I just leave silently. I grab my bow and arrows just in case before we leave. There's something going on with panem,mutts are coming out from everywhere. We've had 3 lock downs from wolf mutts this year!

"Ready?"I ask

"What all this?"He replies a little surprised. I just smile and say"you'll see,it's just a few things." I take his hand and hand him the basket,then pick up my bow. We walk hand in hand until we are at what was the fence.

A/N so I realized that I wanted the lake to be the next chapter:p anyways please review I need to hear from you guys. Also any ideas on what's happening to panem? I wanna hear what you guys think is going on! Also I wanna hear if I portrayed katniss's inner monologue about her love in a good way? Sorry for so much questions,but I really wanna know! Thanks


	9. wine and lakes

Katniss pov

We arrive at the lake at the perfect time. It's the perfect time for lunch and its hot enough to swim. "So this is the lake my dad use to take me to when I was little"I say taking his hand.

"It's beautiful"he replies,looking at it in awe. He wraps his arms around me from behind and rests his chin on my shoulder. Then he kisses my cheek,chin,and neck,then he reaches down to kiss my shoulder.

I turn around and wrap my arms around his neck. "Katniss,thank you for showing me this beautiful place. It's almost as beautiful as you"he says.

"And I thought the buns were cheesy"I snort.

He laughs and says"but it's true. You are the most brilliant,beautiful,courageous person I've ever met."

"I'm not beautiful...But you peeta,you are amazing,handsome,caring,perfect,and..and you are so loving."I say as I kiss him deeply. "Oh katniss"he sighs. Then I smile and say"shall we eat?"

"Sure"he says. I pull out all our food and he asks"wine?"

"Yup. I thought that would taste good"I reply. He opens it up and takes a swig,followed by a small cough. "It's a bit...weird. but good"

I take a swig too."Yeah it is kinda weird. I think it's an acquired taste though"

We start to eat and take turns drinking from the bottle. When we finish eating we are about done with the bottle. By this time we are both rambling off and a little tipsy. He is betting I can't shoot an Apple off his head and I'm betting he can't come up with something that tastes better than the best thing in the world,cheese buns.

Little did we know,under this state that we are highly capable of doing that and more."Okay,okay. I'm a bit scared of you,so I'm going to hold this bun,and you have to shoot it. If you do,I'll kiss you,and if you don't...uh...I'll still kiss you"

I laugh uncontrollably and run to get my bow. He stands by the tree holding out the cheese bun. I aim,take a breath,and shoot. As usual it's a perfect and it pins the bun to the tree behind it. We both laugh and he says"your prize"

I run up to him and start to make out with him. His tongue slips into my mouth and we both fall. He kisses my neck and says"I knew you could do that the whole time!"

"Peeta,peeta,peeta"I say"hand me the wine"he reaches over and gets the second bottle we brought. I take a swig and he does too. Then I drag him to the edge of the water and say"let's go swimming."

"What-what do I wear?"He stutters. I smile and strip down to my underwear and bra."just your underwear"I say nonchalantly. He strips down too and we both get in. We swim and then pass out...

I wake up on top of peeta in only our soaking underwear,his hand is on my ass. It's almost night time and I have a booming headache. "Peeta,peeta wake up"I say. He sits up and asks"what happened?"

"I don't really remember,it's all blurry"I say as I grab our clothes. We pack up and by the time we're home is very late. I'm half way naked,getting ready to take a shower when I start to get sick. Peeta runs in to hold my hair and sooth me.

After I lean back against the tub with my fingers in my hair. If I wasn't so sick,I'd actually care to cover my chest,but it's just peeta so I don't really care if he sees me half naked as I'm puking up my guts.

"Lets never get drunk off of wine again"I moan as I curl up to peeta. He awkwardly fumbles to put his arms around me and then says"okay. Here,let me help you"he picks me up and sets me on the toilet as he starts a bath. Then when the bath is drawn,he helps me out of my clothes,never losing eye contact,and sets me in the bath. After that he quickly gets out of the bathroom.

I lay there in the bath for nearly an hour letting the warm water wash over my body and calm me. There is a knock on the door and peeta pokes his head in but doesn't look my direction.

"Are you okay katniss?"

"I don't really know"I say"come sit next to me"

"What?"He asks confused.

"You know on the side of the tub."I say patting the side. He walks in,covering his eyes and I laugh"you don't have to do that" he slowly lowers his hand and I smile weakly at him. He sits next to the tub and takes my hand in his. He still doesn't look at me though.

"How are you feeling now?"He asks.

"My stomach has settled down,but I still have a huge headache and I'm really thirsty."

"Yeah,me too. I think I drank like two gallons of water this morning and I took some medicine for my head. Let me get you some"he says getting up to grab it. He hands me two pills which I take gratefully. After that I get out and wrap a towel around myself.

After I have changed,peeta and I go downstairs and chug some more water as we munch on some crackers. Then we both curl up to silence,sweet silence,in each other's arms.

A/n so what do you think of their first time drunk and hungover?


	10. Peeta's birthday

Katniss pov

Today is peeta's birthday. He turns 18 today,making him officially a man even though we have grown up so much these last years. I decide to wake him up by kissing his lips until he starts to stir.

When his beautiful blue eyes open,his eyes bore into mine."Happy birthday!"I say and he wraps his arms around me kisses my neck. I smile and kiss him deeply,we don't often get into kissing fits like this but when they happen it's beautiful.

He flips us over and kisses down my neck and then back up to my face. Then I push him over so I can kiss his neck. I can feel him wanting me but I'm not exactly ready for that,so instead I pull him up and say"I have a surprise for you"

He excuses himself to the bathroom and after a few minutes he comes back out and says"okay katniss". I take his hand and lead him downstairs to an empty room. Inside is filled with his paintings hung up and pictures I was able to find. Most of his pictures were at the bakery and were burnt but haymitch and I were able to save a few. A new painting desk is in the corner and on the wall is painted,"you are my pearl,you are my dandelion,and I can't be without you." In my nicest handwriting. Then new canvases and materials are in the corner along with a couch and an easel.

"When did you find the time to do this?"He asks incredulously.

"Mainly why you were baking or taking a shower. Haymitch helped save some pictures for you too."

"I like where you put this one"peeta says pointing to the middle of the wall,a painting he made of the two of us hangs with lights around it.

"Thank you,katniss. I love it"he says pulling me into a hug. We stand like that for a while,soaking in each other's sent and company. Then my stomach grumbles so he pulls away and asks"time for breakfast?"

I nod and he leads me to our kitchen. While eating cheese buns at the table,we hear haymitch stumble into our house and to the kitchen. He takes a seat with his bottle of whiskey today.

"Finally crawled out of your whole haymitch? I thought you were dead for a while"I say. He laughs and says"Not pregnant yet sweetheart? I thought for sure by now bread boy would knock you up"he snorts.

"It's not like that"peeta says and takes my hand. Haymitch laughs and says"suuuuuurrrrrrre"and winks at us."Don't worry your secrets safe with me." Then he turns to peeta,"oh yeah,happy birthday kid"

"Thanks"he says.

Later haymitch leaves mumbling something about his geese and peeta goes to work in his new art studio. So I make dinner tonight,but I want to make something special. Then I remember the boxes in my mom's old room. She left me a box of things she didn't want anymore. A cookbook was in that.

As I search in the box,I find two notes,one adressed to me. It says for katniss when she turns 19,love dad. I freeze and look at the other one,for primrose when she turns 19,love dad. I burst up into loud ugly sobs.

Soon I feel arms around me,peeta telling me it's okay. I look back at the notes and cry some more. I failed her. She'll never get to be 18 and see this.

"What's wrong katniss?"peeta asks me when my sobs slow down. I hold up the two notes and he says nothing. He just kisses my head and holds me tighter. I open the one for me. It reads,

"Dear katniss,

This letter is for when your 19. Right now you are only 10 years old,two years away from the hunger games. If you're reading this,it means you've either survived the hunger games,or never was picked. God forbid this,but if you were picked and you survived,I know you could do it. You're smart and know how to survive and I'm proud of you. If you weren't picked,I'm so happy that you were spared. I'm writing this to you because I know my work is dangerous and that I could easily die down there. If I do die,I know I can count on you to take care of your sister. I love you so much, katniss. I hope I live long enough to see you grow up and get married and have kids. You are so much like me,I can tell already so you'll probably go for a sweet man who has passion,just like me with your mom. I know whoever you end up with is a good choice because you made it and he'll complete you. Lastly,I know you'll make a difference in this world,I can feel it. You're meant to be a leader,to make the right choice,to be an Everdean. I love you so much katniss.

Love daddy"

"I failed him because I failed her"I cry to peeta. He holds me and says"but you made a difference in this world,just like he said you would katniss. You saved panem"

Then I reluctantly open the one adressed to prim. She'll never get to read this because I failed her. It reads,

"Dear primrose,

This letter is for when your 19, if you're reading this it means you survived the hunger games,katniss volunteered for you,or you were lucky enough to not get picked. I'm writing this because I know that my job is dangerous and I could possibly die,but don't worry if I do die I know that katniss won't let anything happen to you,that's why I think she would volunteer for you. Prim,you have a vast knowledge of healthcare and I know someday you'll make a fantastic doctor,herbalist,midwife, or nurse. You have it in your blood,you are so caring. Right now you are only 6 and I can already tell how alike you are to your mother. I love you so much. I know that someday you'll find someone and you'll make a great wife and mom. I want you to know how proud I am of you,I love you.

Love daddy"

"My dad had faith in me,and I failed him and her. Peeta I failed them!"I cry. He just rocks me back and forth as I cry into his chest. He lays me down on the bed and curls up with me. We both fall asleep until around 10.

I wake up to peeta staring at me. I lean forward and kiss him deeply."I'm sorry I ruined your birthday peeta"I say. He wipes the tears welling at my eyes and says"you didn't ruin it. Katniss,without you by my side,I would have nothing...No you didn't ruin my birthday. Now,shall we eat?"

I was going to make him something special,but since it's too late to make anything, so we just snuggle up on the couch eating leftovers as we watch a late night news. We never watch the news,but we have been curious about all the attacks and lock downs. But what we see is surprising.

"Welcome to late night news 12, there have been many reports of sightings of mutts near 11 and 12. District 12 has had 4 lock downs these last few months. We don't have anything information now but our reporters will be down in 12 tomorrow morning. I'm effie trinket with your news."

Peeta and I stare in shock. We haven't seen effie in forever and she's changed so much. Instead of her bold wigs,she has natural long blonde hair. She's tan and wearing minimal make-up. She looks younger but her voice is very much the same. She also isn't wearing ridiculous outfits,well they aren't as ridiculous anymore.

"Wow...effie looks different. Do you think haymitch knows?"peeta comments.

"I have no clue. But damn,we'll have to watch tomorrow morning." I curl up and fall asleep on his chest. The next morning I wake up on the couch in peeta's arms and my head on his chest.

We have breakfast and then there's a knock on our door. When I get up to get it peeta follows me and we get the door. There stands effie and a few camera people are visible down the street.


	11. reporters

I would like to thank all of you for the wonderful reviews,I get so excited when I see them and it makes me update sooner. Oh and for this chapter, please in your mind read effies parts in her dramatic capitol accent! I love reading it like that :)

Katniss pov

Peeta and I stare out in shock. Effie quickly gives us hugs and I pull her in slamming the door behind her."why katniss,those aren't manners!"she says.

"What the hell?"I yell. Peeta pushes me back and says"I got it" he turns to effie and says"effie it's so wonderful to see you again,but why are those reporters in front of our house?"

"Well peeta,after the rebellion I became an anchorman for the districts news. So when I heard about the attacks,I had to come and see you two! But of course,duty calls. So my equipment people are here to do reports because I don't have much time to waste in this place!"

"Can't you call them off? I actually have to go to the hob today and I would like to do that without being swarmed!"I say. Effie quickly gives me a sad smile saying"I understand that you don't like the cameras katniss,but they will be trying to get as much footage as possible. Not only for the attack reports but the capitol is still very interested in the star crossed lovers. I can't control that"

I let out a huff and effie hugs us once more. "I'd love to chat,but unless it's in front of a camera,I must go. Duty calls"she giggles at the end"but I promise I will visit when I can,without the cameras. Just us"and she bobs her head then grabs the door handle."I must do what I've been doing all my life. Make sure a show is put on. Chins up,smiles on"then she's gone out the door.

I look out the window to still see many reporters out there,one even catches sight of me. I turn back to peeta and he wraps his arms around me"I don't like cameras"I mutter.

"I know,I know"he says soothingly."Should we watch the news to see what's happening?"

We turn on the tv right as effie finished her introduction.

"-here in 12 there have been reports from the justice building that they had to go in lock down several times. 6 have been injured,including our mockingjay katniss everdean."I tense at that."was are here to hear from out citizens on what they have seen."

She walks up to someone walking down the street"excuse me,could we talk to you?"She asks.

"What is it?"the woman says. She turns and and I see that it's hazelle and little posy."What are your thoughts on the lock downs and attacks?"

"Those stupid mutts nearly killed my son Vick. He was out getting wood when that creature attacked him and broke his arm. I don't know why they're hear,but I want them gone,they are hurting to many people and scaring my little girl."

"I've always thought of hazelle as a calm collective person"I say to peeta. He chuckles and says"I guess I'd be angry if my kid were hurt because of those. Heck,I was angry when I was attacked by one"

"Yeah..."

"Excuse me,what are your thoughts on the attacks and lock downs?"She asks another person. This girl I don't know. She is around my age,probably older and very pregnant,"I was out when that happened. I was afraid something would happen to my baby. I saw it attack a peacekeeper!"

"There you have it,these mutts are striking fear into our residents and hurting many of them."

"I have to go to the hob today,will you come with me?"I ask when it's over."of course"peeta says taking my hand. As soon as we reach town,I realize that they are still rolling and interviewing people.

Peeta and I try to avoid them but as soon as one of them notices us,they all swarm like bugs to a light. There are many different reporters,all asking questions,"what are your thoughts on the attacks?"

"Are the star crossed lovers together again?"

"Is your ankle better?"

"Will you two be married any time soon?"

"Any little mockingjays?"

"Do the mutts remind you of the hunger games,and peeta does it remind you of the one that took your leg?"

These people are so ignorant! I just push my way through,peeta by my side. When we are finally to the hob,they try to follow but sae pulls me into a room.

"Thought you two could use a saving. They won't find you in here."

"Thanks sae"I sigh."this really helps,but I have things to buy?"

"Here girly. It's your usual...now I'll try to get them to another place while you two run home."

"Thanks sae. Here's the money for these,I'll get you meat as soon as I can,I promise"I say. She take the money and then says"okay,I'll go distract them now"she leaves and we slip out the door soon after.

Peeta run as fast as we can to the village undetected. It didn't work because soon we hear footsteps behind us as they chase after us. We end up going to haymitch's putrid house.

We huff and lean back against the door.

"What a lovely little story,star crossed lovers run from pea brain reporters."haymitch snorts.

"Shouldn't you be passes out?"

"Shouldn't you be in your own house?"

"Well played"I say sitting down.

"Well it looks like we're stuck here for a while because all the reporters are outside."Peeta says looking out the window. Haymitch gets up and says"don't worry,I got this"

He walks outside to the reporters stands right in front of them and then vomits all over them. They all look horrified! But that does the trick and soon they are all gone."Thanks haymitch"I say as we leave.

"Haha! I'd do that anytime!"he laughs.

When peeta and I get home,I hug him and say"that was a crazy day. Can we spend the rest of it inside?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way"peeta says."come on lets make lunch"and I follow him into the kitchen.


	12. break down

Katniss pov

I wake up screaming but peeta isn't there in bed to hold me so I get up and search for him. I look in the bathroom but he's not there and that's when I hear the sound of glass breaking almost making me fall because I jumped so much. I make my way downstairs,running in a blazing speed but making no sound at all.

I find peeta in the living room surrounded by glass and gripping the back of a chair. His knuckles are completely white and his face is scrunched up in his pain. I watch around the corner like a coward,I should be there helping him but this is bad. I have to though he needs me.

I slowly walk to him and gently touch his shoulder. He flinches away from my touch and his hands go to his face and he grips it tightly. I lightly say his name and he slams his fist into the wood flooring. I jump at the sound of it and he slams it again and again.

I slowly back away from him as he stands up. His eyes look black,not a trace of blue there and I know he's gone. He stalks over to me and starts to yell,his eyes locked on the fear in my eyes.

"YOU'RE A MUTT! A FUCKING MUTT!YOU KILLED THEM ,YOU KILLED EVERYONE! I HATE YOU I COULD NEVER LOVE YOU EVER!"

His fist goes into the wall right next to my head and he slaps me across my face. I scream when that happens and he laughs coldly. Then he has my chin in his hand."Look at me! Look at me mutt!"he says eerily.

"Peeta,"I choke out"this isn't you. It's a flashback,it's not real,not real! Listen to me peeta please!"I say. I see a second of confusion in his eyes and his grip loosens. He squeezes his eyes shut and says"but you killed them,you-you-"

"That's not real peeta,snow killed them"I say and go to cares his cheek but he moves before I can. He crouches down and wraps his arms around his head. "No..No..NO!"he yells out. I'm close enough to see the tears falling down his cheeks onto the floor. This breaks my heart. It's hard to see him cry like this,to see him hurt.

"Peeta..."I start but stop once I see him run down the hall into his art room. He slams the door and locks it before I can get to it. I slam my fist to the door and yell for him to open it up but he doesn't. All I her is agonizing screams and the shattering of glass that I assume is a vase he threw against the wall. This is bad.

"Peeta! Peeta please! I need you to open the door"

For an hour I stand there banging on the door as I hear rustling coming from behind it. I slump down against the door and lazily hit it. There's a thump as he sits against the door on the other side.

"Peeta,listen to me. It's not real,none of its real. Please peeta just listen to my words."I say. I feel him get up and so do I. The door swings open and he pushes a painting into my chest. It's slightly wet but I don't care about my shirt.

I peel the picture away from my stomach hoping it's not messed up. Luckily it's not,but it's messed up in another way. The painting is of a mutt the same color as my hair with my seam eyes. All around it is remains of peeta's family and the tributes from our games. The look on the mutt is menacing and the face has similar qualities to mine and I know for sure that this is what he sees me as. A mutt.

I bite back the tears as I drop the picture and run upstairs. The door to our room is closed and I think I'll have to convince him to let me in again but to my surprise the door is unlocked. I stand at the door way at first but then slowly make my way to the bed where he lays crying.

"Peeta..."

"Go away katniss,before I cause you too much pain"he cries. I sit against the headboard and wipe the hair from his face. He cries more and I just sooth him until he sits up to look at me. He takes in my painted shirt and says"sorry about your shirt"

"My shirt doesn't matter"I say

I put out my arms and pull him close to me,his head resting on my chest. He lets it all out and cries into my chest as I play with his golden curls. "Katniss,I'm so sorry-I-I slapped you! I broke your vases and I called you a mutt. I'm-I'm hurting you too much! I don't deserve you"

"No,you listen to me peeta mellark. I don't deserve you,even after hijacking you still come back to me and your amazing and you are caring,so what if you hurt me once,I've hurt you too many times before and I don't care about the vases or the shirt or the wall or anything,all I care about is you,and I've never felt this way about anyone. I'm not very good with words but,peeta I just-I guess I- I know that I -...I love you peeta"I tell him as tears stream down both of our faces.

He looks into my face with an astonished face. He takes my face in his hands and kisses my lips."I love you too katniss"he says. We wipe tears from each other's cheeks and lay there in each other's arms,breathing in our scents. He is emotionally drained and falls asleep on my chest,so I whisper into his hair"I love you peeta"


	13. fixing the wall

Peeta pov

I wake up in katniss's arms on our floor downstairs. At first I'm confused,but then all the memories come flooding back to me as soon as I see the hole in the wall. She stirs slightly as I get out of her arms and lift her off the uncomfortable floor and onto the couch.

"Peeta..."her voice cracks and is laced with sleep.

"Shhhh...just go back to sleep katniss"I say,normally she doesn't wake up for a few more hours. She just shakes her head and tries to sit up until she realizes that she's in my arms. Her arms go around my neck and she pulls herself up to kiss me.

"I love you katniss"I whisper into her hair and she leans back to look me in the eyes,hers are gleaming."I love you too peeta"she says and I feel a tear forming in my eyes. Then I set her down on the couch and she snuggles up to me. After a few minutes she's asleep again. She really was tired but I don't blame her. Those nightmares are terrible and so was that flashback.

I stare at the wall,not wanting to move because I don't want to wake her up. I'm going to have to fix that,I think to myself. But I don't think I know how to,I'll have to ask haymitch for help.

A few hours later she wakes up again. As she goes to take a shower,I start to clean up all the glass and water on the floor. That's when haymitch stumbles in. "Whoa looks like sex got too ruff"

"No...I punched the wall during a flashback. I also broke a few vases...but I need help with the wall,haymitch"

"Fine. You're lucky I know how to do that though...but first I need you to help me round up my stupid geese,that's why I came here"

"Fine,just let me go tell katniss"

I run upstairs to our room and right as I open the door,I hear her beautiful voice singing. That's when I get my first glance at her. Her beauty goes far beyond her face. It's in the curve of her hips and her breasts. She is truly perfect,each scar adding detail.

That's when I noticed that she has stopped singing. When I look back to her face,she is staring at me. Oh shit. She goes to cover her breasts and her core and I look down embarrassed that she saw me and mad that I did that. She'll never want to see me after this.

"I'm so sorry katniss,I-I didn't mean to stare at you-I just came to tell you-"

I'm cut off by her hands on my face lifting it up. She's completely naked."It's okay peeta,"she says then kisses me fiercely. I feel a fire inside me as this kiss stirs something within me. I start to kiss her neck and push her against the wall but then the thought of haymitch comes to mind and if he were to walk in-

"I'm sorry katniss... I really really want to,but haymitch is here and I said I would help him gather his geese and if he were to walk in-"

"Peeta-peeta! Your rambling,you never ramble...I get it. It's okay,now go before he runs in."She says smiling at me. I guess in my ramble I didn't hear haymitch yelling at me to hurry up.

"I love you katniss"I say

"I love you too peeta"

When I get downstairs haymitch asks"what the hell took you so long?"then he looks down at my pants and says"never mind, your body gives it away"I let out a sigh because I know this is going to be uncomfortable.

After an hour of running around chasing geese,we finally get them in their pen. Then haymitch says"come on lets get the stuff for your wall." He leads me to his garage that is oddly sort of clean. But not clean in the unused sort of way but in the used but cleaned way.

"Do you spend a lot of time out here?"I ask

"Since I got the geese I had to make the pen,so after that I realized that I like to make things out here..."

"That's good,it keeps you busy...if you think of it we've all found ways to keep busy"

"Obviously"he says raising an eyebrow. I laugh and say"No! We haven't even-no!"

"I have to say,I'm actually surprised at that...wait was this morning all about?"

"Yeah...Well I sort of walked in on her showering and sorta got caught staring. Then we sorta made out while she was naked but I stopped it because you were here. Yeah thanks for that."

"Sorry didn't mean to be a cock-block."

"It's okay,probably not the best time anyways...we're still healing and after last night I realized that I need to become more stable...especially if she were to get pregnant. I don't think I'm stable enough for that."

"Whoa,whoa,whoa hold on there boy, there's ways to prevent that. But I do have to say boy,that you have come a long way and that you have overcome what most couldn't. I have to say,you underestimate yourself too much"

"Thanks haymitch"I say.

"Anytime...now for that wall"he grabs his tools and some type of wall stuff and follows me. When we get to our house,katniss is fully dressed and eating leftovers. I walk over and kiss her sweet lips and haymitch just simply says"good morning sweetheart"

"Hi haymitch"

We start on the wall and when we're done,there's a huge white spot where it was. I'll have to paint over that. I walk haymitch out and right as we are on the porch,he leans in and says"good luck with everything kid,you've really earned it."

"Thanks for everything...and I mean everything,if you didn't sell the star crossed lovers,I wouldn't be with that beautiful woman in there"

"No problem kid"he says clapping a hand on my shoulder. Then he walks away to his house and I walk in to katniss.


	14. happiness that cant last

Peeta pov

I have been painting the walls because now I have to paint the whole room that I punched. Katniss has been very lovable lately and I think it has to do with what almost happened between us.

As I'm painting the wall she comes to kiss the back of my sweaty neck then my cheek and runs her hand up my back under my shirt. I turn around and set the roller down so that I can wrap her in a tight loving hug.

"Peeta..."

I kiss her lips and she smiles then rests her head on my chest. That's when I ask her"you love me,real or not real?"

"Real,peeta,so real"

I kiss her again but this time more fiercely. When she pulls back I see a beautiful and bright smile on her lips. I can imagine seeing that as she lays on top of me and I know I can't deny this any longer.

I wrap her in my arms and her legs go to my waist. I pull her upstairs and kiss every inch of her I can see. I must see more. So I take off her clothing piece by piece. Soon we are both naked and I know that I can't go through with this unless I have her verbal permission.

"Katniss,are you sure you want this?"I ask

"Peeta,I've never been more ready,please" she pleads and caresses my head. That's when I make her mine...

After she lays on my chest and I stroke her back. "You love me,real or not real?"

"Real"

I smile every time I hear that. It gives me butterflies to hear that. That's when I hear a small meow come from the side of the bed. I turn to find buttercup laying lazily on the floor. This cat is one of the ugliest creatures I've ever seen,but he is meaningful to katniss and before to prim.

I pat right next to me and he jumps up then hisses at katniss and purrs as I pet him. He doesn't like katniss most of the time but I know they have their moments. He likes me though. Mainly because I feed him.

By now katniss has drifted off and buttercup walks across her back which makes me chuckle and nearly wakes her. I start to pet him again and he purrs again and lays against me. When katniss wakes up,she has a face full of tail.

"Ugh! Buttercup!"she says. He gets up and hisses again then jumps off

"You are a pest!"she yells at him. Then mumbles"dumb cat"

I wrap my arms around her and pull her to me. She kisses my chest then starts to get up,stretching as she stands. She takes my hand and pulls me up saying"come take a shower with me"and pulls into the bathroom...

After I continue painting and she looks at the colour saying"this is beautiful peeta"

"I was hoping you would like it"

"Well I definitely do"

"So I've been thinking about something..."I start. She looks a bit confused but listens.

"I was thinking about reopening the bakery."I say

Her smile lights up her face as she says"peeta that's wonderful!"

I can see it in her eyes that this shows improvement and that this shows healing. We are both still healing. I smile back at her and soak in the happiness around us. It's not often that we get to be completely happy. Only this doesn't last too long...

I wake up the next morning to katniss screaming in her sleep. "Katniss! Wake up its okay!"I say waking her. She shoots up and I wrap her in my arms. She cries and cries but won't tell me what it is. She wraps her arms around her knees and puts her head in her her knees and cries. This was a really bad nightmare for her whatever it was. She still won't tell me what's wrong and when I go to wrap my arms around her she asks me to leave so I do as she asks.

I decide to go to haymitch's house for some help.

It pains me to see her like this. I knock on his door but decide to go right in. He is sitting at his table drinking until he sees me and says"what brings you here?"

"I need some help"

"What now"

"Well,katniss woke up this morning in a really bad state. She won't talk to me and won't look up from her knees,it's just like when she came back to 12... but I don't get it? We were healing and usually I can help her but she won't let me..."

"Well What happened the night before? Did she see anything bad that could remind her of anything?"

"I don't think so. Yesterday was really happy"

"What happened yesterday?"

"Well...We...I...uh.."I blush and haymitch gets the point."And did you force her to it?"

"No! I would never force her to do that unless she wanted it!"

"Okay,what else happened?"

"I told her I was rebuilding the bakery"

"That's good,but how did she react to that?"

"She was really happy"

"Maybe she's scares to be happy? Or she remembered something,maybe something reminded her of prim?"

I nod and sit down.

"She asked me to leave"I say solomley

"Here"he says handing me a bottle. "Thanks"I say taking a swig.

"Don't mention it,boy"

"Do you think she'll get over it soon?"

"I'm sure she'll need you tomorrow" he says and I nod,I just don't want her to do anything drastic or harmful, especially if she's back in the state she was when I returned.


	15. facing the past

Katniss pov

I asked peeta to leave. I sit on the bed rocking back and forth crying. I'm crying because of prim. When peeta told me that he was rebuilding the bakery,I couldn't help but think of how prim would drag me to just look at his beautiful creations. She should be alive right now not me.

I think of how happy she was when she found out that I was home and so was peeta. How she helped me when he was gone and how she new I loved him before I even knew. I find the strength to stand up and slowly make my way to her room. Her room as stayed the same,untouched since she died.

Slowly I step in and what I see makes me cry harder. Her books are left untouched and her flowers and herbs are dying. A light coat of dust is forming on everything and her bed is ruffled. Her hairbrush even still holds a wad of blond hair. I walk over to her closet to find all her dresses in there and the clothes she worn the day of the reaping are there. I lift up the piece of fabric and a tear falls onto it. When I look at her desk,I see a picture of us the day I tried on the wedding dresses. I'm standing in the one that everyone voted for and prim stands with me. She was so happy that she got home in time to see them.

I also find a picture of my dad. Everyone I loved ends up being taken away from me. That's why I'm afraid to love peeta. I don't want him to be taken away from me. I hear a tiny meow from behind me and soon feel fur rubbing against my leg. I look down to see buttercup meowing at me. I pick him up and scratch him behind the ears. He actually starts to purr and I cry into his fur.

"I loved you so much"I cry out to her. "You were too young"

More tears slip from my eyes and I colapse on the floor in a fit of tears and eventually fall asleep curled up. When I wake up I realize where I am but I don't cry. I stand up and decide that I should dust this room. It deserves to be clean at least. For her.

When I finish I feel better.

I let one more tear slip then close the door. When I turn around peeta is standing there. I stare at him not moving and I feel my lip trembling. He takes two steps and I'm in his arms. "I was so worried about you"he says

"I-I-I'm just,I had to go-" I start and he kisses me. I feel a tear rolling down my face and I feel one drop fall onto it. I look up and see tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorry katniss"he says and I wrap my arms around his neck and cry.

He picks me up and caries me to our bed and when he goes to leave I stop him and say"stay with me?"

"Always"

He gets in bed with me and kisses my forehead. That's when he asks"what caused you to do this to yourself?"

"I-I was thinking about how p-p-prim would always want to see your cakes displayed at the bakery,and then I just couldn't take it and broke down,I had to go in there and what I saw made me break down too. It's how she left it. Then I realized that I wanted to keep it clean but the same. Then I saw a picture of us the day I tried on wedding dresses...She was so happy that day."

"I also found a picture of my dad"I say"and the clothes she worn to the reaping!"That's when I burst into tears. "I loved her so much,I tried everything I could to keep her alive but I still failed!"

I cry into his chest and say"she was such a good person too! She deserved to live peeta"he just rocks me back and forth as I cry kissing my head and saying nothing,letting me get it all out. I know I'm breaking his heart by being so weak in front of him when he lost his whole family,but I need this.

"Peeta,I'm so sorry"

"Katniss,you have nothing to be sorry for"

"I only lost my sister and my dad,but you we're hijacked and lost all your family,and I'm the one breaking down.."I say

"But you were attached to your family. My mom beat me and my brothers I weren't so close to,only my dad was ever nice,but you lost the two people that you loved,that you lived for. You lost your being"he says striking my hair.

"Not completely true,I still have you. I have you to love and live for still peeta,I haven't lost it all"he smiles at me and says"I need you too"

I get up out of his arms and go to grab the two pictures I found. When I come back and sit on his lap,I show him the two pictures and he looks at them very closely. "You look so beautiful in that picture katniss"he says. Then he looks at the other photo and says"wow,I can really see your dad in you now"

"I wish you could have met him,he would have loved you"I say.

"That means a lot to me"he says. I smile at him and take the pictures and put them on my bedside table. I'll get frames tomorrow. Then I go back to peeta and sit on his lap again and he wraps his arms around me and I fall asleep in this comfort


	16. roof mishaps

Katniss pov

"Katniss wake up! Wake up"I hear as I shoot up out of a nightmare. "Shh,it's okay,I love you katniss"peeta coos in my ear as I cry into his chest. He kisses my cheek and then my lips. "I had a dream that you died,you were gone and snow laughed and said that he already got prim and you-"

"It's okay,I'm right here"he says

"But she isn't"I cry

He doesn't know how to reply to that so he just cradles me and kisses my cheek then my neck. Soon I've calmed down some,so I decide that I can't lay down anymore. Peeta has his arms around me and his breathing is starting to become even so he is almost asleep. I give it a few minutes before I get up and exit through the already open window.

The roof is cold on my feet,but after that dream it feels good on my sweaty skin. It's still very dark outside as I get down and sit on the edge. My legs swing as they hang down and there is a slight breeze. We are nearing winter.

I look over to the forest,the forest that is a graveyard for so many,the forest that even though no one has seeded it,has grown back. Even after a war. I get lost in the thought of my memories and it leads me to wonder what it would be like if my dad and prim were still alive,

I would imagine that my mother would still be in 12 and prim would be helping her as she heals everyone. I could imagine my dad smiling as we go to lake and hunt like old times. And it makes me sad that he and prim didn't get to see the world that they always dreamed of. Where there are no reapings,and no hunger games.

A world where I could see peeta asking my dad for my hand. And my dad walking me down the aisle. I've never really thought about love until now. With peeta,and I have to admit that I'm a bit afraid,but I'm excited for our future...

"Katniss! Katniss!"

I turn to look at the window and very faintly I see peeta sitting up and soon jumping out of bed searching for me. I get up and walk so that my head is peeking in the house. "Peeta,I'm right here"I say

I see him turn in the moon light to look at me and he runs so that his hands are on my face. "What are you doing out there?"He asks confused. "I couldn't fall asleep again so I decided to sit out here,it's nice"

"Mind if I join you?"

"Not at all"I say as he climbs out. He sits next to me and sets his arm on my shoulder. I lean into him and instantly I start to get sleepy. He kisses my nose and says"you're right,it is very nice out here"

"Mmmhmmm"I say pushing my face into his chest. He asks"are you getting sleepy again?"

"You bring it with you"I joke

He goes to get up but a split second before it happens,I notice that his prosthetic leg is kinda weird,and that's when he falls. I go to catch him but I'm too late and he's laying flat on the ground. I bolt for the window and fly down the stairs to him.

'Please tell me you're okay!' I think to myself.

"Peeta!"I gasp as he still lays there. Tears fall onto his face and his eyes open up. He then scrunches them close in pain. "Are you okay? Let me get haymitch!"

"No,no I'm okay,I can sit up. It's just my back kinda hurts and my leg,my leg mainly hurts."

I look down at his leg and see that part of his prosthetic is still attached to his leg while half of it broke off. "Peeta your leg,well your fake leg broke!"

"Shit"he says looking at his leg.

"Hold on"I say and run into the house. There's no way that I can pick him up but I can push him. I run into the office and grab the chair with wheels. I roll it out to him and then I tell him"here,I'm going to help you into this and take you to the hospital."

"Okay fine"he says and I somehow manage to get him up.

I quickly wheel him to the hospital and when I get inside I ask the lady if we could get him in.

"Yes, we aren't very busy so we can get him in right now. I just need a parent or guardian to fill out some forms,unless he is over 18,he can fill them out"

"He's old enough"

"Okay, I need his name"

"Peeta Mellark"

"Okay, here are the forms."She hands them to me"as soon as these are filled out we can take him back."

They get him a real wheelchair and that's when I notice that his leg is bleeding bad. His prosthetic is lodged into his leg. "He's bleeding bad! Please take him back now! I'll fill out the papers just please take him back!"I yell

"Ma'am,I can't let you fill it out unless you are family."

"His family is dead! I'm all he has! God dammit! I'm..I'm his fiancee"I say remembering that the capitol thinks we are engaged.

"Well..."

"Please! Do you not see how much he is bleeding!"

"Alright..I need a nurse!"

A nurse comes and wheels him to a room and I follow. I sit in a chair as the nurse brings in a doctor. "Hello I'm Dr Cano, what seems to be the problem?"

"He fell off a roof and his prosthetic broke but I think it lodged into his leg"

"Oh,hmmm,yes he is bleeding rapidly..."She says then says many instructions to the nurse that I don't catch. After a few minutes she says"we need to take him back asap to remove that. You are welcome to stay here and fill those out,this isn't too complicated so he should be out in a few minutes maybe an hour."

"Okay"

She nods and takes him in the bed away from the room.

For the first half hour I sit there freaking out because something could go wrong and this reminds me of the times when he was in the hospital at 13 and when we were in the hospital in the capitol.

That's when all the memories come back and I curl up in the chair and cry. "He'll be okay,he'll be okay"I tell myself. I can't help but worry still. I can see snow laughing at me,at my weakness as he says"he'll never be okay,he'll never love you"

That's when I scream. A nurse runs in and she asks" ms everdean? Are you okay?" I look up to find a very young girl there. She looks a little older that prim was and reminds me of her.

"I-I I'm sorry...It's nothing,I'm okay"she gives me a small polite smile and says"it's okay,I understand what you're going through,I just finished some research on ptsd."

"Do you think you could get Dr Auralius on the phone?"

"Of course"she says picking up the phone and dialing a number. She hands me the phone then leaves. "Hello?"

"Hi Dr Auralius,it's katniss"

"Hello katniss,why are you calling from the hospital? Is everything okay?"

"No,not really..."

"What's wrong katniss?"

"Well,ummm...where should I start..."

"Just start from the beginning"

"Okay...Well I woke up in the middle of the night from a nightmare"

"What was it about?"

"Snow, he killed prim then killed peeta and was laughing at me...Then I got up and sat on the edge of my roof"

"Katniss...are you having any suicidal thoughts? Why were you on your roof"

"No,no,nononono. It's just comforting to look out at the world from my roof,it's quiet and clam."

"Okay,then what"

"Well, peeta woke up and panicked. He couldn't find me until I said something. Then he came out with me and as we were getting up to leave,he slipped and fell off the roof. I ran down to him and noticed his prosthetic broke. So I took him to the hospital and it turns out that the part that was still attached was lodged-I-I-in to his leg-"

That's when a few tears roll down my cheeks.

"It's okay katniss,anything else?"

"Yeah,all of this is reminding me of the capitol and district 13 and of prim, I went into her room the other day and broke down and this is just adding to everything"

"Shhh,it's okay,deep breaths katniss"

"Where is peeta now? Can I speak with him,if this is causing you trouble I'm worried about him too."

"He's in surgery but should be out soon,they said it wouldn't take super long and its been a while."

"Okay,well when he gets back and after you guys have some time together I would like to talk with him too."

"Okay"

After that he talks with me over everything and I end up in tears until peeta is back. That's when I say good bye to Dr Auralius and turn to peeta. He looks really dazed. That's when I realize that I haven't filled out those forms.

"These forms aren't filled out,I'm sure you have some questions...You need to write for him though. Mr Mellark is not in the state to write correctly yet"

"Okay"I say

"I'll leave you two alone"the nurse says.

"Hey peeta,how are you feeling?"I ask him

"Katniss,katniss,katniss,you are so beautiful"he says smiling

"I see you are feeling normal"I say sarcastically"Okay peeta, do you have any history of heart problems,stroke or cancer?"

"Uhh,cancer"

"Okay,ever broken a bone?"

"Does losing a leg count? Technically my bone broke"

"I'll put that as a yes"I say and he laughs"okay,medicines,yes..."

"Yup!"Peeta says still on the drugs they gave him

"Any mental conditions...ptsd"I say as I fill it out. "Are you a virgin-"

"I think you know the answer to that"he says raising an eyebrow and laughing.

"Have you had any form of sex- never mind I can fill out this section"I say blushing

"Yeah you can"he says laughing

"Shut up you're on pain meds right now"

"I love you katniss"

"I love you too peeta"I say

After I finish the forms I hand them to the nurse and she tells me that he's staying the night here. I leave to get him clothes and then return,and when I'm back peeta is asleep.

I kiss his forehead and then push the chair as close as I can to him and curl up to his arm. I know he'll need me tomorrow,especially when he talks to Dr Auralius. With that I fall asleep.

A/N that was a long chapter!


	17. phone calls and pills

Katniss pov

They put peeta in a wheelchair and said that his leg might take a while because they have to make a special order to the capitol to fit his leg so that it won't cause him any pain by rubbing. I wheel him back to our house and give him his medicine. Just what he needs,ANOTHER pill.

I walk behind him and wrap my arms over his shoulder and kiss his cheek. His hand reaches up to my cheek and he turns his head to kiss me back. "How do you feel?"I ask him. He yawns and says"I'm a little tired,but I feel gross"

"Want a bath?"I ask

"Yes please"he says sheepishly

I wheel him to the downstairs bathroom and run upstairs to grab a towel and some of his clothes. When I get back down,he is already nude in the tub with water filling it up. I set the towel and clothes in my lap as I sit down in his chair.

"Dr Aralius wants you to call...I talked to him while you were having surgery and he wanted to talk to you"

"Okay,I'll do that after I sleep."He says

"Katniss,what happened?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Katniss,I know you're not okay,you only talk to Dr Auralius if you absolutely need to."He says raising an eyebrow. I let out a sigh and say"I was freaking out when you went into surgery so a nurse got him on the phone for me...I know that you're somewhat okay now,so I'm fine"

"Did you tell him about the other day?"

"Y-yes"I stutter.

"Good"He says "so what happened after I came out from surgery? I just remember waking up and being here in a wheelchair."

"Well,I finished filling out those papers with you and then you and I fell asleep. Then this morning that gave you more medication and you were talking nonsense and then fell asleep."

"Really? What was I saying?"

"First you said you wanted to punch the roof. Then when the nurse said that if you were still in pain she could give you more medication,you turned to me and said' the only medication I need is you on top of me in bed while we-' but I cut you off before you could say anything else. Turns out you can get pretty provocative when you're highped up on drugs"

"Oh God"he says blushing.

I laugh and say"how do you think I felt?!"I Smile at him and run my fingers through his hair. A few minutes later he finishes and I help him out of the tub. When he's dressed and in his chair I bring him to the kitchen and cook dinner.

I move the chair that he normally sits in to the side and wheel him up to the table. I set down the food and then sit next to him. He lightly smiles and I take his hand and squeeze it.

"How are you feeling?"I ask him

"I'm fine don't worry about me"

"Don't worry about you? Peeta,there's nothing you can do or say to get me to stop worrying about you."

"Yeah I guess that's true. Now I know how you feel"

"I love you"

"I love you too"

We eat and then I say"call Dr Auralius"

"Okay"he says and I get him the phone and dial the number. Then I let him be and go to take a shower.

Peeta pov

"Hello?"

"Hi Dr Auralius,it's peeta"

"Oh peeta,I've been waiting to hear from you"

"Yeah,katniss told me"

"So how is your leg feeling?"

"Well,I'm on medication so it only hurts when that wears off"

"That's normal. So what about during everything,how we're you feeling?"

"Well it hurt.." I say a bit irrateded

"No,I mean we're you getting any flashbacks? Any doubts our memories?"

"Yes. At first I saw all the memories of being in the capitol after the first games. Then I got memories of when I was captured and almost lost it. I think they sedeted me before I could lash out on them. I don't remember much after that but I think I had a small one before I saw katniss and they sedated me again."

"So I have word on your prosthetic. It should be shipped within the next month but you can't put it on until you are completely healed. This one is stronger,water proof, bullet proof,and should fit so that I'd doesn't rub. Especially since another inch of your leg was taken away. Does katniss know about that?"

"No,I haven't told her about that yet."

"She deserves to know peeta."

"I know,but I don't her to worry and I know how hard things are for her,she doesn't need to worry about an inch taken off my leg."

"Peeta,I know you want to protect her,and that is a very good thing considering where you came from not too long ago,but she should know"

"Okay,I'll tell her tonight"

"Now to move on to other pressing matters. They faxed me a copy of those forms and I noticed something that I am not sure is safe for you two."

"What?"

"Well,I'm not sure if you guys are well enough for sex. I'm afraid that you will have a flashback because of how the capitol made you two pretend. And if that happens,it could be fatal for katniss. I'm going to need you to answer a few questions."

"I really don't want to talk about this..."

"I know this is really awkward,but I have to make sure you are okay so that you don't accidentally kill katniss"

"Okay"I sigh

"Alright, first of all are you guys using protection,because katniss definitely isn't well enough to get pregnant right now and you two are not healthy enough to be parents."

"Yes,she gets a monthly shot. I couldn't do that to her anyways,she doesn't want kids ever."

"Okay,when was the last time you had a full blown flashback? On a rate from 1-10 how bad was it?"

"About a week ago,I punched a wall and broke a few vases so..You can determine that."

"Did you hurt katniss?"

"I-I don't really know,she says I didn't do anything but I can't tell if she's just trying to protect me?"

"Okay,I don't recommend having sex but I'm not going to cut you off of it. It's good that you've gotten this far. I also don't recommend angry sex. But you don't seem to be too unstable. Now I want to hear about your living arrangement,and if it's working for you?"

"We live in her house,sleep in the same bed. It does work out because of the nightmares we get. As long as we can wake up and physically know that the other is there,we are usually okay."

"That's good,you two seem to be healing. And remember if you ever have a flashback,just hold onto a chair or something...I will be calling you to see how your leg is doing soon,and don't forget to tell katniss about your leg. I will also be calling to help katniss soon too."

"Okay"

"Good bye"

I hang up the phone,then call for katniss. She instantly runs down in a towel and some bubbles on her shoulder.

"What is it peeta? Are you okay?"

"Yeah,I'm fine. Sorry,you can finish your shower."I say

"I'll just take one down here"she says and walks to the bathroom. After a few minutes she's done and runs up to change. When she comes back she asks"so what did you need earlier?"

"I have to tell you something"

She nods and takes my hand. I continue"so,my leg...Well you know how I had surgery?"

"Yeah?"She says confused

"They had to take another inch off of it. It won't be healed for a while."

"Peeta!"I can see the tears welling in her eyes as she looks at me sadly. The tears spill over her cheek and she asks"are you okay with this?"

"Yeah,I mean most of my leg was gone anyway. They are sending me another prosthetic to fit the leg now"

She nods and then asks if I want to do lay down. She wheels me into the bedroom downstairs and helps me into the bed,then lays curled next to me and cries. "IYou don't deserve this peeta"

"It's okay katniss...I love you"

"I love you too peeta"

Then we drift off


	18. new leg,new day

Peeta pov

"Oh peeta,look what I have!"Katniss says happily as she walks in the extra room. She is wearing only a thin black robe but is hiding something behind her back. She smiles at me and pulls out my new prosthetic. It's very modern and shiny.

"It came in!?"I say excitedly. She nods and runs to help me put it on. As soon as it's on I stand this time there is no rubbing! My leg is still a little sore from the surgery but it's bearable. She opens up her arms to me and I run into them. That's when she bites my ear lobe and says,"I was hoping we could celebrate a bit."

Her smile is devilish as she pushes me down onto the bed and takes off her robe to reveal that she is wearing nothing. I smile back at her and say,"yes,celebration is in order."

* * *

Katniss pov

After peeta makes pancakes for us. As I sit there I notice how happy he is to be on his feet again. These last 3 months have been so hard on him. He would wake up in a sort of depression. I tried to move him outside as much as I could but it was hard with his wheelchair. So we spent most of our time inside,I tried to help him bake but that was a bad idea because I made a huge mess. But it did lighten the mood.

He spent a lot of his time painting too. He even had me pose for one...I was naked. There were also days when we would work on the book some more,or I would sing to him,or I would lay there on the bed with him and we'd nap.

I am so happy to see him up and whistling as he dances around cooking. I walk up behind him and kiss his shoulder. He looks over his shoulder to smile at me. He kisses my head and takes my hand. Turning off the stove,he turns to wrap his arms around me. His warm lips move on mine and I feel him smile.

"So how does it feel?"I ask.

"Like a new man,"he says.

"Good."

"Now I can do this,"he says and throws me over his shoulder.

"Hey! What about my pancakes!?"

"They'll be there after,"he says and runs us to the couch.

"I'm surprised at how well you can run and walk again,"I say astonished.

"I guess I'm used to walking unaturally."

He kisses me fiercely and he smiles saying"I'll never get used to this though,"as he kisses my neck and shoulder. "I love you peeta," I say lovingly.

"I love you too,katniss. I always will."

* * *

After eating my pancakes,which made me very happy,peeta and I get dressed to head out to the town.

As soon as we step out,we here,"God dammnit! These fucking geese! Stop trampling all over me!"

Peeta and I laugh as he struggles against the birds. "Hey,what are you two laughing at? Damn geese here are walking all over me." Peeta says,"have you tried to feed them bread?"

"I no,with you hurt and um living with her,I never get bread,"says haymitch.

"I'll be sure to make you some."

"Bye haymitch,"I say and pull peeta out of the victors village. As we walk I notice that peeta is in deep thought. I turn to him and ask,"What's on your mind?"

"I need to open the bakery back up. I realized that our bakery used to be the only way people got bread. Now that not everyone is starving,they can actually get bread. I love seeing people too,and I think that's what I miss the most. I want to have my own bakery. Our own bakery."

"I think you should."

"Okay,I will,"he says proudly,"but first I nneed to go to the justice building to see if I can."

"We can go after we go to the hob."

The first thing I do when I get there,is go to the medical booth and pick up my birth control. Then I head over to greasy sae and ask for some soup. She smiles at me and says,"why,of course girly!"

That's when I hear my name being called. I turn around to see hazel working with moria at the fabric booth. Peeta and I walk over to her and she says,"katniss! It's been forever,how are you doing?"

"Better. What about you? How are you guys adjusting?"

"It's,um,it's different without Gale here,but he made his choice. He chose his job over family,"she says sadly,"but other than that,Thom has helped rebuild our house and now I work here. The boys are trying to get jobs to,but you know,so many people need jobs with all this rebuilding going on."

"I can offer them a job,"peeta says.

"Really?"

"Of course,it might be a while because I need to rebuild the bakery,but when I do I would be happy to give them a job."

"Oh,peeta,thank you so much. You are so kind,"she says gratefully.

"It really is no problem,"he says.

I smile up at him and can't help but think that I don't deserve him. He is so perfect and wonderful. "Here,take some fabric,"she says.

"Oh you don't have to do that,"I say.

"No I insist!"she says and peeta thanks her.

"Peeta,do you mind taking this over to Rarrab over there?"She asks handing him a pile of fabric. "Of course not,he's the one by the fish right?"

"Yes."

As soon as Peeta is out of ear shot she says,"I'm sorry for sending him away but I knew this wouldn't be comfortable for him. Gale wants to see you. He said that he's sent letters but never got any replies. It's important,he really wants to speak with you,he also said that he is afraid of this silence even though I assure him that you are doing well."

"I-"

"I know that it's hard for you,but I've never heard him so hurt. He just really needs to hear from you...and katniss,you don't have to worry,because he's moved on. He just wants his best friend back."

I nod slowly and walk away until she stops me,"it really was nice seeing you though,I'm happy to see you doing so well."

"Thanks,"I say quietly and meet peeta.

"What are you thinking of?"He asks.

As we leave the hob I finally answer him.

"Gale wants me to talk to him...I'm not sure though."

"Does he still love you?"

"His mom said he moved on."

"I think you should talk when you feel you are ready,"he says wrapping an arm around me. "Okay...let's not talk about this now. Are you ready to go get your bakery?"

"Yes!"he says as gidiy as a kid on Christmas.

That's when we step into the justice building.

A/N any thoughts? What do you think?


	19. visions and mothers

Katniss pov

Peeta and I walk out of the justice building with a paper saying that we own the area where the bakery was. We didn't have to pay anything since peta is the only living mellark,so the bakery was his,the deed to it was just burned up in the ash of what used to be the bakery.

It's all cleaned up now. Peeta and I walk to where the bakery stood and that's when peeta says,"I always dreamed that I would own the bakery some day. I also had a dream that you would be by my side." He smiles and takes my hand.

"Looks like your dreams are coming true,"I say.

He turns and wraps me in his arms. "Thank you,"he says quietly. I hold onto him tighter and kiss his neck. I feel his tears drip onto my skin as he cries into my neck. "I never thought that I would be with you,I never thought that you would love me,and I never thought that I would be the only survivor of my family..."

"Your dad would be so proud of you peeta."I say.

"As would yours."

Eventually peeta and I are a mess of tears as we let out the stress of the years in this one embrace. I'm sure people are staring at us but we don't care,we need this. He kisses my forehead and then my nose. The finally my lips.

Eventually we break apart. "I can't thank you enough,katniss."

"You don't have to,because you saved me."

He leans down and kisses me again. "I love you katniss."

"I love you too peeta."

I look out to the empty lot and say,"do you have any ideas yet?"

"Yeah,a few that I'm gonna sketch out when we get home."

"Well let's go then!"I say taking his hand.

* * *

When we get home I follow peeta into his art room. I watch as he sketches out his vision of the bakery. It has a nice seating area with a counter in the front room,then a beautiful kitchen with many ovens and counters and fridges to fit the need of this bakery.

"It's beautiful peeta."I say as I kiss his cheek.

"You think so?"

"Very much."

Her wraps me in a hug and says"I can't wait to start building."

"When do you plan on building?"I ask.

"As soon as possible. Hopefully tomorrow."

"I can talk to Thom,I know that he has built most of district 12."

"Thank you,katniss."He says kissing me.

"I love you so much,"he says with a big smile.

"I love you too,peeta."

"Always,"he finishes.

* * *

The next day I find Thom. Him and Delly have a little house outside of the square. They are so cute together. He is very happy and willing to help when I tell him about the bakery. Even if he didn't want to,Delly said she would have made sure he helped peeta.

"Thank you so much,Thom."I say before I leave. They start tomorrow. When I get home and tell peeta,he is ecstatic.

"I can't thank you enough katniss ,"He says. I kiss him and say,"there's no need to thank me peeta,I love you."

"I love you too,"he says and lifts me up in a twirl. I kiss him deeply and he holds me to him.

The next morning I wake up early with peeta. He makes us breakfast and then we head to where the bakery lot is. We meet Thom there and he has his whole crew. "Morning peeta,katniss,"he says politely.

"Good morning Thom. Thank you so much for helping us out,"peeta says shaking his hand.

"Anything for you and katniss. Plus I've heard your pastries are the best." He says and we all laugh. "Thanks,"peeta replys.

After that,peeta shows him his vision for the bakery and they get into talks about supporting beams and insulation. So I tap peeta on the shoulder and tell him I'm going to the forest.

As I step into the forest I can instantly smell the pine and dirt. I go to the trunk where my bow and arrows are hidden. Then I make my way to the lake. It's cold again and in a month Christmas will come.

Looking out over the freezing water,I think of my dad and prim. I miss them so much. I also kind of miss my mom. She left to district 4 and hasn't come back because she can't handle it! She left me here in this he'll hole,and if it weren't for peeta,who knows what could have happened.

Earlier this year they lifted up my condemn on district 12 to 5 years. So in about 4 years I can go anywhere. Away from this nightmare,only it will never be truly over. And I don't think I can leave even though I'll be able to. My life with peeta has already begun and we're making our home here.

I snap up to the sound of a twig breaking and see a doe. She has a little fawn with her too. But instead of shooting them like I normally would,I sit there and watch as they near the water for a drink.

I smile and watch until they leave. Slowly I get up and make my way back into town. When I get home,I find peeta cooking dinner.

"I was getting worried about you,are you okay?"

I look at the clock and it turns out I was out there for the whole day. It's 6:00pm right now. "I'm sorry,I was just in thought."

"What about?"

"My mom. I haven't seen her at all."

"Oh..."

"She just left me here!"I yell as tears stream down my face. "You would have thought that after losing my dad and my sister that she would realize the value of life! That she was the only family left. I needed her and she wasn't there! She wasn't there for prim and I,and she isn't here now! I was so alone,and I couldn't even escape this he'll hole,and she just leaves because she can't handle it? I was so close to death,and if it weren't for you,I would have been long gone and she wouldn't have even cared! She doesn't even care,I bet she won't ever come to visit...even if we were to get married...She doesn't care about me." I say the last line quietly.

He opens up his arms and I cry into his shoulder. He doesn't know what to say so he just rubs my back and rocks me back and forth. "You love me,real or not real?"He asks.

"Real."

"I've realized that you're all I need."I add on.

"You were what I always needed."

A/N so tell me what you thought of her little rant. Also try rereading that part with major emotion,it will give it more effect ;) I just thought she needed to get that off her chest.


	20. the bakery

Katniss pov

"Katniss,I have surprise for you."

"Um..Okay."I say slowly. He takes my hand and then puts his hands around my eyes. "Trust me,"he whispers in my ears. We are outside now but I don't know where we are. After a few minutes we stop and he lets up his hand. What stands before me is a beautiful building. The bakery. The sign says 'Mellark Bakery' and there is a primrose,obviously hand drawn by peeta.

In the planters bellow the Windows,there are primroses mixed in with the arrangements of katniss plants and rue. I gasp and hug peeta. "It's beautiful peeta! You-you-"

"I had to represent them in some way. I remember you telling me about how prim loved to see the cakes I decorated and then I also thought of rue,how she gave you strength,how if it weren't for both of them,we wouldn't be here. And then I thought of you. You are the reason I'm standing here today."

"Lets go inside."

He leads me inside and I see beautiful display cases ,counters,and tables topped with one of the three plants. He leads me around the counter and through the door to the kitchen. The kitchen is perfect for peeta. As we walk up the stairs he explains to me how he kept the layout exactly the same,but changed the design.

"We used to live above the bakery."He says and leads me to a room. "This is where my room used to be." He opens the door to a small room with a bathroom. This room has a small bed and bookshelves filled with recipes.

There is also an easel with painting supplies and paper. "This is so I can design cakes."He explains. Then he takes me across the hall to show me the empty rooms that he isn't sure what to do with.

When we go back downstairs,he how's me where his office is. On the door there is a plaque that says,'peeta mellark's office' and under that says ,'owner/manager' . He opens the door and on the inside there is a desk and behind it there is a really comfy chair. Against the wall is a couch and above it is a picture peeta created.

I take a seat in his chair and find that he has a picture of me in a frame on his desk. I smile at the thought and I say,"you keep a picture of me here?"

"Yeah,it will help when I don't see you."

I smile and blush. Then I lean back in the chair and put my legs up on the desk. "Hmmm. Mr Mellark,what brings you to this office?"

"Well I'm afraid someone has taken over my office,"he plays along,"and I don't know how to get it back?"

"Hmm,that's a hard one, do you have any strengths over this person?"

"Matter of fact,I do. I have this one thing I do that makes her go crazy for me."

"Oh,can I see this 'thing'?"

"Well I don't know if it would be appropriate to show this thing to my co-owner. But if you wish."

He walks out and then comes back and there is obviously something huge hiding in his pants where his penis is. "Oh Mr Mellark,I believe this isn't appropriate at all,but we must see if it will work."

"I think so,she prefers it long and hard."

"Can I see?"

"Of course"

He reaches in his pants and the he pulls out giant bread sticks. I bust up laughing and then he says,"so do you think it will work?"

"Very so."

"Good,because if not,then I would have to pull out this."He says and grabs his groin. We both but up laughing and he swoops over and pulls me out of the chair. "Sorry ma'am,but I'm going to have to take this back." We fall onto the couch in a heap of laughter.

"So do you like the bakery?"He asks in seriousness.

"Yes,I love it."

He gets up and then takes my hand and leads me to the front. By the door,I notice a picture of both of us. I smile and then see that next to it is a mandatory thing for businesses,it says,'owned by:' but it's not completed.

"Peeta,you haven't filled this out."

"I have something more important to do before that."

"I but this is mandatory?"

He works and says,"I didn't know what to put?"

"What do you mean you don't know what to put? You put-"

I'm cut off by peeta getting down on one knee and reaching into his pocket to pull out a box.

"Katniss Everdean,I have loved you since the first time I saw you smile and sing. Your hair was in two braids instead of one and you wore a red plaid dress. The teacher asked if anyone knew the valley song and your hand shot straight into the air and I knew then that I loved you. I always dreamed of the day I get to call you mine,and though the reason we got together in the first place may not be picture perfect,our love is. I want to spend every moment I have holding you,I love you so much. Will you marry me?"

I gasp and my eyes fill with tears.

"Of course peeta,"I say happily. He gets up and puts the ring on my finger. I encase him on a kiss and whisper,"I love you,"to him. "I love you too." Then he breaks away and says,"one more thing." He disappears behind the counter and pulls out a plaque. He places it where it says,'owned by:' and it says 'peeta and katniss mellark'

"It's perfect,"I comment.

"You've made me so happy katniss,"peeta says and holds me again.

"You deserve happiness."

"You are my happiness."

"We complete each other."

"Always."

A/N yayyyyyyy!


End file.
